“It is patience that is peace amid strife, serenity amid distress, and a steadfast base for those who acquire it. Once you have attained it, with the help of Christ Jesus… no attacking armies, not even the ranks of demons…will be able to do you any harm.”
-St. Gregory of Sinai.
-St. Gregory of Sinai.
How do we really raise children to understand and practice patience? It is important for this lesson to begin in the home.
I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be
completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
-Ephesians 4:1-2
The world we live in is one of instant gratification. We want everything now! Technology has greatly increased our ability to indulge this desire. If you want to buy something, you don't even have to go to the store anymore to get it-- you can just order it online. Don’t have the money? Use a credit card and pay for it later. These seeming conveniences of modern life have slowly chipped away at one of our greatest virtues-- patience. Having patience is the grace to endure difficulties or minor inconveniences without complaining. In today's society we can't even endure waiting in traffic or in line at the store, much less real challenges. Are we teaching our children to be patient or "efficient"? Is our fast-paced modern life keeping our children from developing the necessary focus needed to develop patience? Who can we look toward to learn true patience?
In the 2nd book of Thessalonians 3:5, St. Paul writes, "Now may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ." What was the patience of Christ? Of course, we know that He voluntarily tolerated arrest, mocking, beatings, and death on the Cross for our salvation. But even before His passion He frequently encountered human misgivings and a lack of faith—even from those who were His closest followers. We, in turn, must practice longsuffering to the best of our ability when our patience is tested by those we love and admire. However, this patience must extend to those we are less than friendly with, as well as to perfect strangers. We can look to Christ and His love as an example of how to patiently endure and teach this virtue to our children.
The best way to teach patience is to model it yourself everyday. This may be easier said than done, especially when it is five o'clock, dinner hasn't been started, your children are fighting, and your husband just called to say the car broke down. But this is the exact moment we need to model authentic patience. That doesn't mean we pretend we are super mom or dad and try to act patient when inside we feel anything but. Be honest and, when appropriate, tell your children that you are having a hard time and that you are working hard to be patient—but you need their help. Showing your children that patience takes work and that sometimes you need their participation can give them an example of how to deal with their own lack of it. Above all, model patience with your children by being patient with them. St. Nikon writes, "You must gain your salvation in patience. Patience is essential. In other words-- the cross is essential." Bear your crosses for your own salvation as well as your children's
Start Young
Teaching patience begins at a very young age. From the time your child is born, there are things you can be doing to lay the foundation for this important virtue. A newborn learns patience by your response to their needs. At this age, it is not appropriate to make them wait. They are learning to rely on the world and the patience that is needed here is yours to respond to their needs. Once they have settled into a predictable routine of a settled baby, you can begin to give them opportunities to practice patience. Helping them to problem-solve when playing with simple toys can give them the opportunity to learn focus and perseverance. For example, if your baby is working to get a rattle that is just out of their reach-- let them work towards it-- don't just hand it to them. By allowing them to struggle, (not so much that they get frustrated but enough that they are challenged) they are learning at a very basic level that effort is necessary. That takes patience! As they grow, you will be able to further build on this foundation.
Activities That Build Patience
* Reading Books – We all know how important reading books is-- but did you know they can help your child learn patience. Reading takes focus which is a critical skill that children need to develop. As your child grows, they will progress to longer more complex books-- ones they may not finish in one sitting. This helps them learn to delay their gratification-- you have to wait and build on the story chapter by chapter before getting to the exciting ending. Of course there are many stories in the Bible with models of patience-- check out the story of Moses in the Old Testament, or the book of Job-- these prophets' examples put many of our daily annoyances in perspective. In the New Testament, read about Simeon (Luke 2:22-29) at the Presentation of our Lord or look up the word patience in the concordance to get a rich list of Bible passages that focus on this virtue.
* Cooking and Baking - Learning to make food takes patience-- especially if it is something yummy you want to eat right away. An especially great activity for your children can be making Prosforon for church. Children will enjoy making this special offering for God. The link below will take you to a session for teaching a children's group about making Prosforon-- adapt it to use with your own child: www.goarch.org/archdiocese/departments/youth/youthworkers/sessions/prosphero.
* Playing Games - From simple peek-a-boo, to board games or sports, games teach children about turn taking and that honest effort is more important than always winning. Learning to deal with defeat graciously is an important lesson to learn for children (and adults). Try playing the game "I Spy" to help your child work on their ability to focus. Try playing the game using religious items that you have in your house to bring your child's attention to them (icons, censers, candles, Bibles, etc.). After the spied item has been located, briefly discuss it. Do you have any questions about it for your priest? Write them down and follow up with him.
Strategies to Build on Patience
* Consider the Individual - Keep in mind that each of your children have different temperaments and personalities and they will learn patience differently. For some children, it will come much easier than others. What is a realistic expectation for one child may not be for another. But the extra time you take helping your children build patience at the youngest of age will make life easier for everyone as they grow.
* Plan Ahead - Prepare your child for outings that may take a bit more patience. Let them know what to expect, what might be difficult, and how you would like them to behave. Come up with a way they can ask for help if they are having a hard time hanging in there and involve them in ways to develop these strategies. Remember keep your expectations realistic-- a four-hour shopping spree with a four-year-old may be a bit too optimistic!
* Time It - This is especially good for young children who still don’t understand the concept of time. If you say, "Mommy will be off the phone in two minutes," set the timer and keep to it. This will help your child begin to understand time and keep them from having to ask you if it is almost two minutes.
* Learn To Be Quiet - Encourage time during your family's day to be still and silent. Shut off the television, radio, computer, ipods, and cell phone. Use this time to read, pray, or just to clear your mind. Younger children will need something to focus their attention on during this time (i.e. coloring, a book). If this is a new practice, start off slowly and build on the time.
To listen to a sermon on the virtue of patience visit:
www.goarch.org/chapel/reflections/the_virtue_of_patience/audio
For an excellent article, Teaching Patience by Kristen Finello click on the following link:
http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=549
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